Category: Health

“I work with coaches and other people who know too much.”

Kate Solovieva is a former professor of psychology, a PN master coach, and PN’s director of community engagement.

And the above quote has become one of her taglines.

Though Coach Kate has coached thousands of “regular” clients, her specialty is coaching other coaches.

Through her work as an instructor with PN’s Level 2 Master Health Coaching Certification, a facilitator for PN’s private online coaching communities, and a coach in her own private practice, she gets a front-row view of all the questions and challenges both new and seasoned coaches have.

Coach Kate knows what other coaches are up to.

She’s seen the victories and the blunders of thousands of coaches, and today, she’ll share three common mistakes she sees them making.

If there’s anything Coach Kate wants, it’s to see her peers achieve wild success, so her hope with this article is to help coaches:

• Stop feeling paralyzed by insecurity and doubt—and start growing their business
• Learn to see their clients more objectively, so they can best serve their needs and goals
• Clearly identify their responsibilities as a coach (hint: they’re’ not what many coaches think they are)
• Harness their natural passion and investment in a client’s success—without burning themselves out

We’ll cover three common coaching mistakes, plus the solutions to overcome them. Let’s get into it.

Coaching mistake #1: Focusing on coaching instead of selling

Coach Kate describes a coaching business as a three-legged stool.

• There’s the coaching leg (which is your skills and knowledge as a coach),
• A selling leg (which is your ability to market and attract a flow of clients), and
• An administrative leg (which includes how clients book appointments, make payments, and other organizing tools and systems).

“The vast majority of folks who get into coaching start with the coaching leg,” says Kate.

“They want to become the best coach they can be, which is amazing. However, to become the best coach you can be, information and theory only get you so far.”

As Kate says, “You cannot become the best coach you can be in a vacuum, talking to yourself in your office.”

Which is why she suggests challenging the desire many coaches have to wait until their knowledge is “complete.”

Instead, she suggests, just start selling.

Why?

Coaches who start selling sooner also get to start coaching sooner.

Over time, they’ll have an advantage over the coaches who want to be “the BEST coach they can be” by getting 12 certifications before selling their services.

Meanwhile, the coach who “doesn’t really know what they’re doing” but has started practicing anyway will begin building their business and their coaching experience—and likely improve their odds of overall success.

Solution: Remember to show up as a COACH, not an EXPERT

There’s a natural inclination among aspiring coaches who want to do a good job to get those 12 certifications before they start coaching.

“Sometimes we hold on to this hope that we’ll get to a point where we feel confident enough at fielding any question that ever comes our way,” Kate says.

Because as every coach knows, when you start telling people what you do, they’ll have questions. And often, they’ll have questions you can’t answer, and that can feel uncomfortable… mortifying even.

(You’re supposed to be the expert, right??)

According to Coach Kate, the above belief—that you’re supposed to be an authority with all the answers—is based on an erroneous assumption.

“When I show up to a coaching conversation, my role is not ‘the expert,’” she says.

Yes, coaches have to show up to client interactions with a baseline of nutrition knowledge. (For example, if a client asks you about good sources of protein, you should be able to list some.)

But coaches don’t have to show up with a prepared lecture, or encyclopedic knowledge of nutrition minutia or biochemistry. (You don’t have to feel bad if you can’t recall the ratio of omega 3 to omega 6 in flax oil, or all the steps in the Krebs cycle that produces ATP.)

Even when you know the answer, Kate suggests that not answering right away can actually be more productive.

“If a client asks you about seed oils, you can simply say, ‘That’s a great question. I can get you some information on that if you’d like, but I’m curious, why do you ask?’”

While the expert might respond with a summary of the latest research on seed oil processing and its health effects, the coach will strive to learn more about why the question is meaningful to the client.

For example, after inquiring further, you may learn that your client heard about seed oils from their friend Susan, who changed the fat sources in her diet and lost ten pounds. And the client is curious to see if they might also lose ten pounds if they eliminate seed oils.

With this kind of response, you learn more about what the client is really after (a weight loss solution), which ultimately helps direct you to more effective strategies (which probably have nothing to do with seed oils).

▶ Takeaway nugget:

Coaches should have a firm understanding of fitness and nutrition principles.

However, clients often don’t need more information; they need coaching.

When a client asks you a question, consider whether the answer will help them take action.

If it will, offer them what you know. (If you don’t know the answer, you can simply say, “I’m happy to find more information about that for you.”)

If it won’t, consider turning their question into a coaching opportunity. Ask, “Can you tell me why you’re curious about that?” Their answers will likely lead you to a more productive conversation.

Coaching mistake #2: Assuming your clients are exactly like you

Now, maybe it sounds obvious that clients aren’t just clones of us.

That said, especially when we feel all warm and vibe-y with our clients, it can be easy to forget in the moment.

For example, maybe you’re someone who…

• Tracks macros, and feels it’s relatively simple and effective. So you assume this approach will work on most clients (even though many will find it triggering and overwhelmingly complicated).
• Coaches virtually, so your clients are all over the world. You might recommend meeting certain protein targets, without considering that in some communities, protein dense foods might either be hard to access, prohibitively expensive, or both.
• Prioritizes fitness. And for the life of you, you can’t understand why your client would skip a lunch workout because she doesn’t want to mess up her hair and makeup in the middle of a work day.

If you’re a coach, you probably went into this line of work because you value nutrition, exercise, and overall health. And often, we assume our clients hold these same values. But the truth is, that’s not always the case.

Says Kate:

“There’s nothing inherently superior about valuing your health. If you do, yes, you’ll probably experience better health and live longer. But not everyone shares those values. That’s a tough one to swallow.”

Of course, without seeing your clients for the unique people they are—with their own individual preferences, values, and goals—you may find yourself suggesting behaviors that aren’t possible for them, or striving for goals that aren’t meaningful to them.

Over time, this becomes frustrating for your clients and you: They feel like you don’t “get” them, and you feel like a “bad” coach.

Solution: Get a clear picture of the client’s baseline—and determine what actions they’re ready, willing, and able to take

The opposite of assuming (often unconsciously) that clients are like you is, well, assuming nothing.

As best as you can, check your biases and assumptions at the door, and approach each client session with an open, curious mind.

Ask questions, such as:

“What inspired you—or pushed you—to come in today?”

And:

“Why is that goal meaningful to you?”

And:

“What skills do you have today that might help you achieve your goal? What skills do you feel you might be missing?”

Listen.

Withholding assumptions can be particularly difficult when clients share some obvious similarities with you. (Perhaps they’re also a single mom, or they’re also training for a triathlon, or they’re also a cancer survivor.)

But even when clients share similar experiences or goals, their biology, social context, personal history, and many other factors can make their “similar” experiences, in fact, totally different.

Coach Kate says in these cases, you can show that you relate to them, while also inviting them to describe their own experience. She suggests using the following question:

“I know what [insert shared experience] has been like for me, but what has [insert shared experience] been like for you?”

Once you have a clear picture of a client’s values, priorities, and reasons for change, you can assess which actions they’re ready, willing, and able to take. (Again, don’t make assumptions here. Just because you find meal prep quick and easy, doesn’t mean your client will.)

If you want to go through this exercise with your client on paper, use our Ready, Willing, and Able Worksheet.

▶ Takeaway nugget:

Remember that clients:

• Aren’t always motivated by the same things as you (for example, they might care more about their next lab test results than how they look in a swimsuit)
• Don’t always enjoy—or hate—the same things (just because you love long sessions of steady state cardio, doesn’t mean they will… or vice versa)
• Don’t always share your values (as mentioned above, not all clients value health above all else; they may instead value pleasure, spontaneity, or something else)

Get to know your unique client, their specific goals, and what actions they can realistically execute (and maybe even get excited about).

Coaching mistake #3: Getting too attached to client results

This is, actually, very natural.

“There’s a reason we go into coaching. It’s because we care and we want to help clients. We want to see them succeed,” says Coach Kate.

But caring can be a double-edged sword.

“With our clients, we carefully decide on the habits and behaviors that need to occur… And then they walk off and either do the thing or don’t do the thing. That’s brutal.”

No matter how sound and foolproof your advice is, how well-thought out your plan, how much you care, ultimately, you have no control over whether a client executes it, and gets results.

Naturally, as a coach, you might feel frustrated, even heartbroken when clients don’t do what they say they’ll do, or when they’re not seeing the outcomes they were hoping to see.

However, according to Kate, this isn’t something coaches should try to avoid completely. It’s part of the job, and it’s often a sign that your work has meaning to you. (It’s a good thing.)

“However, I think there’s a point there where we can start caring more than the client themselves,” she says.

And that’s precisely where to draw to the line.

At PN, we often say that “care units” are the currency of coaching.

Care units are how much time, energy, attention, authenticity, and true “heart” you can bring to helping, serving, and caring about your clients.

Your client also has a certain amount of care units.

How much time, energy, attention, authenticity, and “heart” can they bring to their own change and growth projects?

(Most of the time, not that much. Which is totally normal.)

Our advice: Care one care unit less than your client does.

How do you do that? One approach…

Solution: Clearly separate client and coach responsibilities

So, how do we maintain an appropriate level of emotional investment—but also help clients stay on track?

“This is where I really like to get really clear on what my role is as a coach,” Coach Kate says.

“Because if you are very, very clear on what your role is as a coach, then you can sort of go through the list, and check in with yourself: ‘Did I show up? Did I follow up? Did I coach this person to the best of my ability?’”

For example, as a coach, it’s reasonable to be responsible for:

• Providing guidelines for how to reach out (to ask questions or book appointments) as well as setting expectations for your response times
• Weekly check-ins with clients via email, text, or phone, to assess progress or troubleshoot obstacles
• “Life-proofing” a program as much as possible, by proactively discussing obstacles that could arise in the future, and brainstorming realistic, flexible solutions

Meanwhile, the client is responsible for:

• Whether or not they respond to your check-ins
• Whether or not they actually DO the agreed upon fitness, nutrition, or lifestyle practices that are likely to get them to their goal
• How much they reveal during coaching sessions (for example, whether or not they tell you if they’re struggling with stress eating, or some other issue that makes it hard to stick to the plan)

Ideally, clearly delineating these responsibilities should happen early in the coaching relationship. Some coaches prefer to have an open discussion, while others have actual contracts that outline coach deliverables and client expectations.

This early communication can also be a way of vetting coach-client “fit.”

“When I’m having that initial conversation with a prospective client, I can ask, ‘What does accountability look like to you?’ If the client replies, ‘Well, I want you to text me every morning and night, and I want you to make sure I’ve done my workout, and also ship groceries to my house,’ then I will be the one to say, ‘I don’t think this is a good fit.’”

Coach Kate says this kind of early clarity can also prevent coach-client friction in the future.

Clear boundaries and expectations at the outset means clients are less likely to be disappointed if they assumed their coach was going to “take on” more, and coaches are less likely to burn out from shouldering more than they should.

It even protects the coach-client relationship in extreme (though not uncommon) situations such as when a client “ghosts” before a paid contract is over.

“When somebody doesn’t reply to me, I don’t take it personally. It’s not their job to reply, but it is my job to check in,” Coach Kate says.

“If I don’t hear back, I just check in on Monday, and then again on Monday. And again, and again, and again—trying all the contact methods they’ve provided me—until their coaching contract is over. If we get to that point, they’ll get an email from me saying, ‘Hey, I hope everything’s okay. My door is always open. I hope you’re doing well.’”

▶ Takeaway nugget:

Make a list—either for your own reference, or to include in a contract that new clients have to sign—of the accountabilities you have as a coach.

(Hint: These are usually specific actions, like “Text, email, or phone once a week to check in” or “Host monthly virtual lectures on various nutrition topics for group clients.”)

Make sure to have a conversation about expectations and responsibilities with all clients, ideally before beginning to work together, or at least in the first session.

Bonus mistake: Forgetting to give yourself a pat on the back

It’s maybe not the most “coach-y” way to write an article: Point out a list of your mistakes, then hand you solutions to deal with them.

But if you’ve made the above “mistakes,” we want you to hear it from us:

We’re proud of you.

If you’ve gotten sidetracked by the above, it’s likely because you really care. And that’s never going to be a mistake; it’s a strength.

That said, although these “mistakes” are completely normal, and most coaches make them, they can limit your potential as a coach, and as a business.

And we want to see you succeed.

(If you liked this article and want to learn more, listen to the full episode of the Coaches Compass podcast, where the interview with Coach Kate Solovieva was originally conducted.)

If you’re a coach, or you want to be…

You can help people build sustainable nutrition and lifestyle habits that will significantly improve their physical and mental health—while you make a great living doing what you love. We’ll show you how.

If you’d like to learn more, consider the PN Level 1 Nutrition Coaching Certification. (You can enroll now at a big discount.)

If you’re a sweet and spicy flavors fan, then this homemade sweet chili sauce may just be your new go-to condiment! It’s made with clean ingredients (no high fructose corn syrup here). Instead, you’ll find honey, garlic, and red pepper flakes for some kick. Sweet chili sauce is perfect for drizzling, dipping, or adding some sweet heat to your favorite dishes.

What is Sweet Chili Sauce?

Well, it’s delicious for one! Unlike my hot honey recipe, this one is cooked to help the flavors meld together. You’ll find natural honey for sweetness, coconut aminos and garlic for that umami flavor, and rice vinegar and lemon for a little acid to balance out the sweet. And of course, red pepper flakes for heat.

Since this is homemade, you can add more or less pepper flakes depending on how spicy you like it. The recipe also uses non-gmo cornstarch to thicken, but arrowroot should work if you need a sub.

How to Use Sweet Chili Sauce

This works great as a dipping sauce for things like chicken wings, but it’s equally at home with roasted veggies. I also like adding it to stir-fries to give them a little zest. Try it with roasted or fried potatoes or pork. It’s way better than anything you’d find in a bottle at the store (hello MSG!), plus you can feel good about the ingredients.

It’s easy to make and comes together in just a few minutes. And it lasts for up to three weeks in the fridge, so it’s easy to keep on hand to grab for a meal. Plus, it’s free of any artificial additives, dyes, or weird stuff, so you can have all of the sweet spice with none of the junk.

Here’s how to make clean, sweet chili sauce that can elevate any meal!

Recipes to Try

Here are some recipes to try with your new sweet chili sauce:

Have you used a sweet chili sauce before? What are your favorite foods to eat it with? Leave a comment and let us know!

The Social Impact Partner Spotlight series highlights various nonprofit organization partners that are leveraging technology to help transform the lives of individuals and communities. This blog features Splunk’s partnership with OpenAQ, Radiant Earth, and WattTime, demonstrating their efforts to enhance data access and digital tools that support informed decision-making for a healthier planet.

Data, artificial intelligence (AI), and digital tools can help uncover solutions to complex environmental challenges that can be implemented at scale for maximum impact. However, while much of the data exists, the datasets are enormous. That means that too often, nonprofits, governments, and other organizations aren’t able to access the data in a searchable and usable way.

In October 2024, Splunk was pleased to provide strategic grants to three nonprofits that are working to advance solutions for a sustainable planet: OpenAQ, Radiant Earth, and WattTime. While each has a distinctive history and approach, they share a commitment to increasing data access and providing digital tools to support better decision-making that will have a positive and lasting impact on our world.

Empowering a global community to improve air quality

OpenAQ is an environmental tech nonprofit focused on increasing access to air quality data to help communities take action to pursue clean air initiatives. Its story started ten years ago when founder Christa Hasenkopf was a State Department scientist working to compile data on air quality at embassies. She quickly learned that data was either nonexistent or not openly available, and when existent, it was challenging to access and not standardized. Christa and her spouse, Joe Flasher, who worked at an engineering company that applies energy and environmental data to global challenges, knew open data was crucial in educating people on the severity of air pollution. They envisioned a universally accessible, open-source database of air quality data, and when they couldn’t find one, they set out to build one.

Today, Open AQ’s open-source, open-access data platform is the largest such platform in the world. It aggregates real-time air quality measurements from thousands of monitoring stations worldwide, harmonizing the data for consistency, focusing on core air pollutants like PM2.5, PM10, NO₂, SO₂, CO and ozone. That data empowers communities to analyze and forecast air quality, raise awareness among the public, and develop solutions to combat air pollution. Users include scientists, journalists, government agencies, entrepreneurs and NGOs, united by a common goal: supporting a world where everyone breathes healthy air.

Making environmental data readily available to more people

Founded in 2016, Radiant Earth enables data-driven decision making to address challenges related to sustainability and conservation. By providing a platform and resources for accessing and utilizing satellite imagery and geospatial data, Radiant Earth is making environmental data more accessible to help governments, research institutions, and civil society organizations address complex global challenges.

One example of this is their work organizing the Cloud-Native Geospatial Forum, which brings geospatial data users together from across government, industry, and academia to develop open and more accessible methods for working with Earth science data over the Internet – including satellite imagery, weather data, and climate models – which can provide vital insights for applications like crop mapping, forest monitoring, and urban planning. This approach is designed specifically to empower researchers in developing countries to access and analyze data that was previously only accessible to research institutions with powerful compute infrastructure.

Creating tools that boost energy efficiency and reduce emissions

What if three simple fixes could save 9+ gigatons of greenhouse gas (GHG) emissions annually: changing when we use energy, where we build new clean energy sources and which suppliers we procure from? WattTime is developing innovative data-driven solutions that allow individuals, companies, and governments to make informed energy choices, enhancing energy efficiency and reducing emissions.

WattTime uses real-time electricity grid data to determine the emissions impact of using electricity at any given moment. Founded by UC Berkeley researchers, its tools pinpoint the emissions from generators operating to meet electricity demand, combining this information with forecasting techniques to predict when energy has the lowest GHG emissions. It transforms that data into actionable signals that can automatically adjust the timing of energy use, shared with partners through an API.

Those signals can be used to optimize smart devices like electric vehicles, thermostats and water heaters to use electricity at lower-emission times, with slight timing shifts adding up to significant reductions in emissions. Similarly, it can help assess where building new clean energy sources could have the greatest impact on reducing power grid emissions. That helps increase the adoption of clean energy sources, benefiting both people and our planet.

To learn more about how organizations are harnessing the power of technology to drive climate solutions, visit Cisco’s Climate Grants and Investments page.

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Not long after the Eaton fire displaced her family from their Los Angeles home, 10-year-old Emory Stumme broke down. The tears came during a family dinner, and she struggled to catch her breath.

“You just were like, ‘I can’t pick up this fork, it’s too heavy,’ ” Emory’s mother, Becca, told her, recounting the episode. “You started crying and laughing and crying, and then heaving. I was like, ‘Oh my God, she’s really having a mental break.’ “

Becca Stumme, her husband and their two kids lost their Altadena home in the fire. Emory and her 3-year-old brother’s schools hit pause until they could relocate. When the Eaton and Palisades fires sparked in January — respectively the second- and third-most destructive in California history — familiarity, friend groups and routines were upset for Emory and many of her peers.

So, when Becca heard about a free day camp that had popped up in northeast LA to help out families displaced by the fires, she signed up her daughter. It was part of a series of free day camps in Southern California organized by Project:Camp, which aims to provide some normalcy for children displaced by disaster.

Mikey Latner founded Project:Camp in 2018, inspired by what he saw as a need to help kids cope with their stress when their routines are disrupted. The idea sprung from his work in Houston the year prior with kids displaced by Hurricane Harvey. He said camp counselors are uniquely equipped to care for children in the wake of natural disasters. The camp’s approach, Latner said, is rooted in research showing that adverse childhood experiences are linked to lifelong physical and mental health problems.

“By providing that sense of safety and normalcy at camp, we can help to lower their stress levels, return them to a routine, and only then can they start to create a narrative around what has happened … so that they understand that something has happened and that they’re safe now — to end that uncertainty and fear,” Latner said.

With its first camp up and running three days after the Palisades fire ignited on Jan. 7, Project:Camp ended up putting on a total of 10 camps throughout the region, welcoming 5- to 16-year-olds. Many of the camps lasted for two or three weeks.

The program offered typical day camp activities such as arts and crafts, and games like tag. Other activities drew more directly from the camp’s trauma-informed approach. Mental health professionals were on site as volunteers to help address emotional issues that came up for kids.

The disruption of routines, community and familiarity by the wildfires have taken a toll on children’s mental health, said Kat O’Malley, an associate marriage and family therapist practicing in the Los Angeles area, who volunteered at the camp. Since the fires, she said, parents have reached out to her seeking therapy for their kids after noticing signs of emotional and physical distress tied to the tragedy. Some kids are experiencing an increase in panic or nightmares, are more prone to separation anxiety and mood swings, while others appear unaffected, according to O’Malley.

“Their sense of safety, stability — that was all rocked,” she said.

For kids who experience a natural disaster, O’Malley said, it helps to find some sense of normalcy to begin the healing process.

Becca said Emory’s time at the camp gave her daughter a chance to connect with friends while her school was paused.

“The first day that we picked her up from camp, I was like, ‘Oh this is the old kid again,’ ” Stumme said. “She was able to see her friends and be outside and play and just be a kid and not have to worry about, like, ‘Where are we staying tonight?’ or ‘What clothes do I have?’ “

Marah Eakin said sending her 6-year-old twins to the camp gave her some much-needed space to process her own feelings and handle “grown-up stuff,” like insurance paperwork.

The Eakin family has been bouncing from one short-term rental to another. The home they had rented in Altadena still stands, about 100 feet outside of the burn scar of the Eaton fire. But, while they work to get their landlord to clean the place of ash and potentially other toxic chemicals, she said it’s unclear if or when they’ll be able to return.

When Marah’s kids’ school resumed, not all of their classmates returned, the mother said. “A lot of their friends are scattered to the wind,” she said.

Her daughter Zella misses her stuffed animals that got left behind.

What might seem to some like an insignificant loss is often no small thing to a child struggling to cope with such losses, O’Malley said. Whether it’s stuffed animals or the family pet, the therapist said, kids grieve all kinds of things that might shape their sense of who they are.

“The biggest thing I think that comes up in grief work is when something changes your identity,” she said. “Oh, I have seven guinea pigs, six of them are hairless — that’s my fun fact — and one of my guinea pigs died last month, and I keep going, do I have to say six now instead of seven? It changes the way you introduce yourself, it changes so much about your identity, to have these shifts.”

Children ultimately guide the program at Project:Camp, O’Malley said, while the adults allow them the space to talk through feelings that might arise throughout the day. There are frequent mental wellness checks, during which kids are encouraged to pick a number representing their feelings, in a 1 to 10 range. “”Gratitude circles” invite kids to share what makes them grateful; sometimes they are thankful for the food, or seeing friends. Through exercises like this, the camp’s program can give kids opportunities to have their own story heard, said O’Malley.

“When somebody else goes, ‘Oh, this all happened for a reason’ — it’s not for someone else to tell you what your experience was,” she said. “That can be really diminishing. But when you yourself make meaning of an event, that can be very powerful.”

Often, the healing — sharing their feelings, telling their story — happens during the in-between moments, she said.

“You’re like, ‘Does anyone need to share?’ And people are like, ‘No, we want to get to lunch,’ ” O’Malley said. “And then on the way to lunch, somebody goes, ‘Oh wow, this reminds me of my kitchen that had this really beautiful tile in it, and I’m sad that tile’s gone. That was really meaningful to my family — Oh yay, hot dogs!’ “

Reviewed by Brian St. Pierre, MS, RD and Helen Kollias, PhD

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It’s like my thoughts were under a pile of garbage.

On a Friday night, as my husband and I tried to figure out where to eat, a typical conversation would go like this:

Me: Do you want to go to that restaurant?

Him: What restaurant?

Me: I can’t think of the name. We’ve eaten there before. It’s that place with the peanut shells on the floor? It’s next to… You know… It’s on that road where we used to take the dog to the vet. Do you know the one I’m talking about??

It was as if certain details got lost in a pile of sludge in the deep recesses of my brain. Then, hours later, the details would escape, and I’d shout into an empty room…

“Texas Roadhouse!”

Sludginess with proper nouns is typical for people who are middle-aged and beyond.

However, what seemed to be happening to me, increasingly in my late 40s and early 50s, felt far from typical.

Not only could I never seem to spit out the names of various restaurants or people or books or movies or so many other things, but my brain was also pooping out during the workday.

I’d sit in front of my computer screen, stare at a document, and will myself to do something constructive with my fingertips. Everything seemed hazy, like those first few moments in the morning when you’re awake enough to turn off the alarm but too sleepy to do basic math.

I had my good moments, usually in the morning, when I attempted to pack eight hours of writing into the two or three hours I possessed mental clarity.

On my worst days, however, I awoke with a haze I never managed to shake. Work was a non-starter. Nor did I have enough bandwidth to read, or do much of anything, really.

I sought medical advice.

Three healthcare professionals recommended antidepressants. I tried one, and felt even worse. I tried another. I tried yet another at a higher dose. Still, I felt like a zombie. Another professional gave me a sleeping pill. It left me feeling even more drugged.

Someone tested my thyroid. There was nothing wrong with it. Nor was I anemic. I tried supplements, mushroom coffee, and just about any product with the word “think” somewhere on its label.

Finally, after nearly two years of seeing a revolving door of doctors, I made an appointment with a gynecologist for my yearly exam. I mentioned vaginal dryness. That information triggered her to ask a string of questions that had nothing to do with my undercarriage. How was my sleep? Mood? Energy levels? Was I experiencing hot flashes? How about brain fog?

“Funny you should mention brain fog,” I said in my usual hazy monotone. “I feel like I’m barely alive.”

By the end of the visit, I understood that I’d likely never had depression.

What I “had” was menopause.

My gynecologist sent me home with prescriptions for estradiol and progesterone.

Within days, it was as if someone had flipped a switch.

I could think again. I could type words again. I could follow conversations. I could work past noon.

And, for the first time in years, I could sleep more than two hours without waking.

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Now, menopause isn’t a medical condition.

Nor is it a disease.

Instead, like puberty, it’s a life stage—a transitional moment to be precise.

Once you’ve gone 12 consecutive months without a period, you’ve reached menopause. And from that moment onwards, you’re officially “postmenopausal.”

As women approach this transitional moment, hormone levels fluctuate and fall, triggering dozens of symptoms. Weight gain and reduced sex drive get a lot of attention.

However, during and after menopause, roughly 40 percent of women report increased irritability, mood swings, anxiety, fatigue, and trouble concentrating, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.^{1 2} As the following image shows, it’s also one of the most vulnerable times in a woman’s life to develop depression,³ particularly if they’ve struggled in the past with it before.

Before starting hormones, I often found myself sobbing for no reason. Other times, the world’s stimuli felt too… stimulating.

Normal everyday sounds—like the buzz of traffic or people at the mall—literally hurt. I was jumpy and irritable and felt anxious about situations that had never bothered me in the past, such as driving over bridges or through construction.

It’s not completely clear what drives these cognitive and emotional symptoms.

Fluctuating hormone levels likely play a role, as do typical age-related changes in the brain.

In addition, during this stage of life, women often deal with several issues that siphon cognitive capacity faster than a thirsty vampire drains a carotid.

During their 40s and 50s, for example, many women have reached the peak of their careers, with responsibilities that follow them home and keep them up at night. They may also be parenting angst-filled teens, caring for aging parents, adjusting to an empty nest, questioning their marriage, or trying to wrap their bank account around the latest statement from the college bursar or hospital billing department.

However, one of the lesser-known and talked about triggers for cognitive discontent has nothing to do with aging or life stress and everything to do with that hallmark menopausal symptom: the hot flash.

Anatomy of a hot flash

Hot flashes, which happen during the day, and night sweats, which occur at night, fall under the category of vasomotor symptoms. (The word “vasomotor” refers to the constriction or dilation of blood vessels which, in turn, can influence everything from blood pressure to sweating.)

During a hot flash or night sweat, norepinephrine and cortisol levels rise. Blood vessels dilate in an attempt to shed heat. Blood pressure and heart rate increase.

Depending on the severity of the hot flash, your skin might redden as sensations of warmth spread through your face, neck, and chest.

You might sweat, experience heart palpitations, or feel anxious, tired, or faint.⁴

It’s not entirely clear why hot flashes crop up around menopause.

According to one theory, falling estrogen levels affect the hypothalamus, the area of the brain involved in temperature regulation. The brain’s internal thermostat gets wonky and occasionally thinks your body is too hot or cold (when it’s not).

How vasomotor symptoms change the brain

For many years, experts thought of vasomotor symptoms as mere inconveniences or sources of embarrassment.

(To be honest, so did I. During all of those fruitless visits to various healthcare professionals, it never occurred to me to mention them.)

However, an increasing body of research has revealed that hot flashes may do more than make us uncomfortable or force us to change our sheets in the middle of the night.

They may also affect our blood vessels and brains—and not for the better.⁵ For this reason, an increasing number of experts now consider vasomotor symptoms to be a treatable medical condition.^{6 7 8}

Hot flashes and brain lesions

In one study, researchers asked 226 women to wear monitors that tracked when they were experiencing a hot flash. The women also underwent magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), filled out sleep diaries, and wore smartwatches that recorded how often they woke at night.⁹

As researchers looked at the brain images obtained from women who experienced the most hot flashes, they noticed an abundance of patchy areas called whole-brain white matter intensities.

These lesions were once thought of as a typical consequence of aging. However, neuroscientists now believe that the presence of whole-brain white matter intensities is predictive of future cognitive decline.

People with an abundance of these brain lesions are twice as likely to get diagnosed with dementia and three times as likely to have a future stroke.¹⁰

The blood vessel connection

It’s thought that the increased presence of whole-brain white matter intensities may stem, in part, from changes taking place in the blood vessels that feed the brain.

A three-year study of 492 women supports that theory. It determined that women who experienced frequent hot flashes also tended to experience unhealthy changes in their blood vessels, such as an inability to dilate to accommodate increased blood flow.¹¹

Other research has linked frequent hot flashes with increases in the following:

• Thickening in the carotid arteries that supply blood to the brain, face, and neck¹²
• Body fat
• Total and LDL cholesterol
• Insulin resistance^{13 14 15 16}

The sleep connection

In addition to directly affecting the blood vessels, frequent hot flashes may also affect the brain by disturbing sleep.¹⁷

Interestingly, many women don’t necessarily know that hot flashes are disturbing their sleep.

They may instead—as I did—assume they have insomnia or sleep apnea.

That’s because night sweats aren’t always sweaty.

By the time a surge in cortisol and norepinephrine jolts a woman awake, the hotness of the flash may have dissipated. So, it can feel as if she’s repeatedly waking, over and over and over again, for no discernable reason.

These frequent awakenings may interfere with the brain’s ability to consolidate memories, metabolize toxins, and store all the names, dates, and facts one encounters daily.

It can also lead to lost connectivity in the hippocampus, a part of the brain that’s important for learning and memory.

Sleep loss also means the amygdala, a part of the brain involved in emotion, becomes more reactive, causing people to feel more easily stressed, anxious, irritable, frustrated, or enraged.^{18 19}

All of these brain changes can set in after just days to a week of lost sleep. So, imagine what happens when you’ve been waking over and over again—for years.

Why it can be hard to get help

To diagnose depression, healthcare professionals use a tool called the Patient Health Questionnaire (PHQ-9) depression scale. If you check off four of the nine symptoms on the scale, you’re considered depressed.

However, four of the symptoms on the checklist also overlap with the symptoms of menopause-related sleep deprivation:

• Little interest or pleasure in doing things
• Trouble falling or staying asleep
• Feeling tired or having little energy
• Trouble concentrating on things, such as reading the newspaper or watching television

Check off those four items, and you might be diagnosed with depression, even if what’s really ailing you is the battle with sleep you’ve been waging since you turned 47.

A lack of menopause-specific training

Another problem: On surveys, 80 percent of medical residents admit they feel “barely comfortable” talking about menopause.²⁰ In addition, few residency programs—including ob-gyn residency programs—offer training in it.²¹

Given the above, it’s no wonder so many healthcare professionals never think to ask about hot flashes or sleep disturbances when people like me show up complaining of fatigue, lack of gumption, and an inability to focus.

In addition, even when it’s clear that vasomotor symptoms are leading to cognitive and emotional symptoms, many healthcare professionals still shy away from prescribing menopausal hormone therapy (also called hormone replacement therapy, or HRT), often telling women that supplemental hormones are “not safe” or “too risky.”

These professionals are practicing what Michigan-based menopause-trained gynecologist Jerrold H. Weinberg, MD, calls “defensive medicine.”

“It’s one of the first reflexes doctors have when they recommend a treatment,” says Dr. Weinberg. “They worry they’re going to get sued.”

What the research actually says about hormone therapy

These worries are based on research done several decades ago that linked the use of certain types of hormones with a slightly increased risk of developing breast cancer or stroke.²²

However, according to more recent research, that small increased risk seems to depend on several other factors, such as age, dose, the type of hormonal preparation, and the duration of hormone use.^{23 24}

As long as you’re younger than 60 and have been postmenopausal for fewer than 10 years, many experts now say the benefits outweigh the risks for women with moderate to severe menopausal symptoms.²⁵

It’s also counterbalanced by health benefits such as reduced risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease or osteoporosis, says Dr. Weinberg, who confirms the health benefits of menopause hormone therapy far outweigh the risks for most women.

Because some antidepressants can lift mood, improve sleep, and reduce hot flashes, some healthcare professionals turn to them instead of menopause hormone therapy. As with any medicine, antidepressants have their own list of side effects. However, for someone practicing defensive medicine, they often seem like a safer bet, says Dr. Weinberg.^{26 27 28}

How to advocate for your health

If you or your client are on what seems like a never-ending quest to find a healthcare professional who understands menopause, use the following advice from Dr. Weinberg and Helen Kollias, PhD, an expert on physiology and molecular biology and science advisor at Precision Nutrition and Girls Gone Strong.

▶ Seek care from a menopause-trained health professional.

Usually, these professionals list this training and interest in their bio. For example, they might list “menopause” as an area of focus.

You can also search this database for practitioners who have earned a certification from the Menopause Society.

▶ Document your symptoms.

Write them down. That way, if you feel foggy or nervous during your appointment, you can lean on your notes.

This information can also help you judge whether MHT or another medicine is working. Based on your symptom data, you and your healthcare professional may decide to switch to a different medicine or change your dose.

Consider tracking:

• How often you get hot flashes
• The number of hours in a typical day you find yourself battling brain fog
• How often you experience fatigue, anxiety, rage, or some other symptom
• How often you wake up at night

▶ Be as specific as you can during your appointment.

Saying something like “I don’t sleep well,” is less likely to get you the right kind of help than saying, “During the past seven days, I’ve only gotten four uninterrupted hours once. I wake, on average, five times a night. On a typical night, my longest stretch of sleep is three hours.”

If you use a smartwatch, come ready to fire up your health app, so your healthcare professional can see the data.

▶ Talk about the pros and cons of treatment.

There’s a concept in medicine known as “shared decision-making.” Part of that process involves frank discussions about the benefits and risks of a given treatment. Then, patients and clinicians work together to make decisions based on those benefits and risks.

Many healthcare networks encourage clinicians to use shared decision-making, as it seems to reduce patient complaints as well as malpractice lawsuits.^{29 30}

For this reason, shared decision-making can help shift a healthcare professional out of the “defensive medicine” mindset.

You might ask questions like:

• “I’m interested in seeing if menopausal hormone therapy might be helpful. Could we discuss if I’m a good candidate?”
• “I’ve read that menopausal hormone therapy could slightly increase my risk of breast cancer. Could you help me understand my personal breast cancer risk based on my family history, age, body weight, and lifestyle?”
• “Osteoporosis runs in my family, as does dementia. I’ve heard that menopausal hormone therapy might help to reduce the risk for both, in addition to helping me sleep. Could you help me weigh the pros and cons?”

How to improve mental and emotional health during menopause: 9 lifestyle strategies

The lifestyle habits that improve mental and emotional health during menopause aren’t terribly different from the lifestyle habits that improve overall health—for any person, at any stage of life.

Other than avoiding caffeine, alcohol, and spicy or hot foods, there’s no special diet for people with vasomotor symptoms. (And by the way, tofu and other soy products don’t seem to help with vasomotor symptoms as much as once thought³⁰—though they’re still nutritious.)

Strategy #1: Lean into fundamental health strategies.

Healthy behaviors don’t necessarily change during middle age.

Nutrition, physical activity, stress management, sleep, social connectedness, and a sense of purpose matter just as much during the menopausal transition as they do when we’re younger. However, these fundamentals are even more important to dial in as life progresses.

So consider:

• Are you setting aside enough time for sleep and rest?
• Are you physically active?
• Are you eating a diet that’s mostly minimally processed and full of brightly colored produce, healthy fats, lean protein, fibrous vegetables, and legumes?
• Do you regularly connect with other humans in ways that help you buffer stress and feel supported?
• Do you find ways to experience awe, joy, curiosity, peace, and purpose?

If you answered “no” to some or all of those questions, consider why that is. What’s stopping you? How might you remove barriers or shore up support to make those fundamentals easier?

Strategy #2: Experiment with creatine.

In addition to helping to blunt age- and hormone-related losses in muscle and bone mass, creatine may also help bolster mood and brain function while reducing mental fatigue.

It also seems to counter some of the negative effects of sleep deprivation. ^{32 33} Research shows a daily dose of 5 to 7 grams of creatine monohydrate is effective.

Strategy #3: Get regular about light exposure.

In addition to helping you feel alert, sunlight helps to set the internal clock in your brain that makes you sleepy at night and spunky in the morning. Morning and late afternoon light exposure seem particularly potent.

In a study of 103 people, exposure to morning sunlight predicted better sleep quality the following night. When people spent time outdoors in the mornings, they fell asleep more quickly, slept longer, and experienced fewer awakenings the following evening.³⁴

Sunlight may also improve mood and concentration.³⁵

Strategy #4: Go easier at the gym.

If you’re already worn out, long, intense exercise sessions will likely make you feel worse.

For one, injuries crop up much more easily at middle age than during our 20s and 30s. In addition, it takes longer to recover between sessions.³⁶

String too many overly zealous workouts too close together, and you’ll not only likely start to feel achy but also more irritable, tense, and tired.

However, much like a cold shower, short bursts of exercise may help you to feel alert during the day.

If you’re falling asleep at your desk, encourage yourself to take short movement breaks such as a 5- or 10-minute walk outdoors or a quick set of pushups or squats.

In addition, you may find gentle exercise—such as yoga or stretching—helps you relax before bed. Just don’t make it too intense, or you’ll trigger a release of adrenaline.

Whenever you exercise, tune into how your body feels, especially after a particularly bad night of sleep.

We’re not saying you should never exercise vigorously or try to beat your lifting PRs. However, depending on your sleep and recovery, you might want to pare things back, especially if you’ve traditionally hit the gym hard.

You can still do intense sessions—just balance them out with more moderate sessions, as well as proportionate recovery.

Depending on how you feel, you might decide to go all out, as usual.

However, you might also decide to do a zone 2 training session instead of an intense run. Or, if you’re resistance training, you might still do your planned session, but reduce the number of sets, reps, or volume lifted.

Strategy #5: Investigate Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I).

This research-based therapy for insomnia can help you develop skills and mental reframes that encourage sound sleep.

For example, a CBT-I therapist will help you develop the skill of getting up at the same time every day, regardless of how badly you slept (or didn’t sleep) the night before.

(Read more: Three CBT-I skills that can transform how you sleep.)

Strategy #6: Get real about stress.

You may not have the energy (or desire) to do everything you did when you were younger. (When you were 36, your daily checklist defied time and space.)

As a result, you might benefit from looking critically at your current responsibilities to see which ones you can shrink or downsize. For several days, track how you spend your time and bandwidth. Then, analyze your data.

Ask yourself:

• Is this how you truly want to spend your time and energy?
• Does your current schedule allow you to rest, recover, and tend to your own needs? Or, do you spend nearly all of your time and energy caring for and providing for others?
• What changes could you make to prioritize rest and recovery?

If you’re a coach, use the Wheel of Stress Assessment to help clients identify different dimensions of their life that might be draining their mental and emotional capacity. (When you know specifically where your stress is coming from, you have a better chance of resolving it.)

If it’s demands from other people that prevent you from prioritizing self-care and recovery, you might like to read: How saying “no” can seriously change your life.

Strategy #7: Experiment with cooling technology.

You might find you sleep better and experience fewer night sweats if you sleep in a cooler environment.

Try turning down the thermostat a couple of degrees, using a fan, or investing in an electric cooling mattress pad.

Strategy #8: Take frequent breaks.

When you feel the fog take over your brain, it’s not likely you’ll be doing “your best work” anyway.

So, for a block of time—say, 20 minutes—permit yourself to do nothing. You might:

• Relax with a cold beverage
• Cuddle with a pet
• Gaze out a window
• Sit outdoors while listening to the birds
• Call a friend

If you need a quick “refresh,” you can also try a 5-minute mind-body scan.

Get your body into a comfortable position. For example, you might use the yoga “legs up the wall” pose or lie down and place a pillow under your knees.

Then, close your eyes and bring your attention to physical sensations in your body. Start at your head, and work your way down to your toes.

Don’t judge or rush to change anything. Just observe, like a scientist. You can also scan your mind, for example, by noticing thoughts.

When you’ve completed the scan, consider:

• What are you feeling physically?
• What are you feeling emotionally?
• What are you thinking?

You don’t have to “do” anything with the information you uncover, just notice.

Strategy #9: Follow a diet that promotes healthy circulation.

The foods that protect the blood vessels around your heart can also protect the blood vessels in your brain.

For example, both the MIND and Mediterranean diets are associated with a reduced risk of Alzheimer’s disease and depression.^{37 38} These eating patterns are rich in vegetables, fruit, whole grains, olives, beans, fish, and other minimally-processed whole foods.

In addition, nitrate-rich foods like beets and dark, leafy greens may help to dilate blood vessels, temporarily improving memory by helping more blood to reach the brain.^{39 40}

(For more on how our diet can support brain function and emotional regulation, read: Nutrition and mental health: What (and how) to eat)

The upside of menopause

It’s frustrating when you feel like you can’t do it all.

Believe me. I know.

However, this stage of life presents a hidden opportunity, forcing you to re-evaluate what’s most important.

Before going on hormones, as my ability to type coherent words and phrases diminished, I was forced to ask an important question:

Do I really need to be doing this?

It was more of an existential question than a career-related one, and it allowed me to reassess how I wanted to spend my limited mental resources.

Given that I was self-employed, I didn’t actually need to be working eight hours a day. That was a gift, wasn’t it?

Maybe I also didn’t need to cook dinner six nights out of seven. Maybe the recipes I chose could be simplified, too.

Finally, maybe saying “no” a lot more often and without regret would allow me to continue to say yes to the things that mattered most.

Things like visiting my aging parents.

And picking up the phone whenever my kid called from college.

Or meeting a friend for a meandering walk around town.

Thanks to the hormones and life tweaks, I now have energy again. I’m also clear-headed most of the time. However, I still tend to end my work day around 3 p.m.

Why?

Because I can, and I want to.

References

Click here to view the information sources referenced in this article.

I’ve written before about our morning routine and how it keeps our home humming. Now it’s time for me to dish the deets on nighttime routines. I also share my current personal nighttime routine and why I have the habits I do. 

Nighttime Routine for Moms (and Everyone Else)

A routine isn’t the same as a minute by minute schedule. One of the biggest breakthroughs for my sanity as a mom was switching to a block schedule. Routines fit perfectly into that and are basically scheduled habits. Once we get into the habit of routines, like brushing our teeth every morning, it quickly becomes second nature.

We can literally rewire the pathways in our brain in positive ways by using routines.

Consistency Plus Flexibility

 Kids thrive with consistency, routines, and knowing what comes next. This doesn’t mean our schedules have to be rigid and static, but it gives us a framework. Give yourself grace and wiggle room. Nighttime routines don’t work unless they’re tailored to your individual family’s needs and my health routines aren’t going to be identical to yours.

The Basics of a Nighttime Routine

Before we design our ideal nighttime routine, we have to think about our ideal morning (and next day). Reverse engineer your perfect day. Decide what your priorities and appointments are for the upcoming day and what you need to do to make them as smooth as possible.

If everyone takes a bunch of supplements in the morning, then use presorted pillboxes for easy access. If the baby is going to grandma’s for the afternoon, then make sure the diaper bag is stocked. Making coconut chicken curry in the Instant Pot for supper? Set it out to thaw.

Do it as a Family

This will depend on children’s ages and abilities, but I’ve found kids can often do more than we give them credit for. Years ago, I realized I didn’t have to do everything for my kids. It’s better for them if I don’t! Teaching children responsibility and self-reliance helps them to become strong, independent adults.

I have my own nighttime routine, but the kids have theirs alongside me. Kids can do simple evening chores, layout clothing, and pack their lunches, to name a few. Then there are the staples, like brushing teeth, pajamas, and bedtime stories.

Create Your Perfect Nighttime Routine

Here are different elements or steps to get you where you want to go. Decide what works for you and your family as you build your nighttime routine. It helps to have the family routines printed and displayed in an easy to see place, like the fridge. It could be as simple as a list, or you could include exact times or checkboxes for the kids.

1. Meal Prep

My kids are largely independent now and can handle their own breakfasts and lunches. The older ones can even cook a meal from scratch for the whole family. When they were little though, that was all on my shoulders.

If you have busy mornings then make-ahead breakfasts like banana bread muffins, baked oatmeal, or ham and egg cups can be lifesavers. These can be made the day/night before and reheated in the morning.

Are the kids going to school or co-op the next day? Then lunches need packed. Is bulgogi Korean beef on the meal plan? Make sure the ingredients are thawed and ready to go.

2. Avoiding the Mess Mayhem

I like to do a quick evening cleanup during our nighttime routine so I can start with a clean slate in the morning. A quick cleanup before bed helps ensure everything (most days) is in its place. This is something the kids can help with. Age-appropriate chores like, sweeping the floor after supper or loading the dishwasher helps everyone out.

3. What’s on Tomorrow’s Agenda?

Look at your schedule and see what appointments you have the next day to prep for. Do you need to pack the kid’s lunches/backpacks/sports bags? Once they’re old enough they can be entrusted with this responsibility. Certain items can be loaded in the car that night so there’s no bag left behind in the morning! 

The kids can also set out their own weather appropriate clothes for the next day (capsule wardrobes are great for this!). 

4. Leave Time to Digest

Our family eats pretty early in the day for several reasons. This fits best into our schedule, and it gives everyone time to really digest their food. The body can’t efficiently focus its resources on sleep when it’s busy trying to digest food.

I try to stop eating by sunset, or at least a few hours before bed. This simple practice helps:

• Support melatonin production
• Improves blood sugar regulation
• Helps us better detox during sleep
• Personally, I notice deeper sleep and a calmer heart rate when I do this

Along with that, I stop drinking fluids about an hour before hitting the hay. This helps me avoid getting up all night to go to the bathroom.

5. Nighttime Supplements

I have morning supplements that I take for clearer thoughts and more energy, but I also have a nighttime supplement routine. I regularly take Pectasol (modified citrus pectin) and enzymes, or binders like Carbon Cleanse on an empty stomach. This combination helps me reduce inflammation, support my detox pathways, and sleep better. Here’s a list of all my nighttime supplements.

6. Avoid Blue Light

Blue light has gotten a bad rap, but we actually need it for healthy cortisol during the day. At night though, it can disrupt sleep, leading to a host of health issues. That’s why I started wearing blue-light blocking glasses at night years ago.

I also switched the overhead lightbulbs in the house to daylight mimicking ones. Once sunset hits, the lamps with red light bulbs come on instead. By positioning the nighttime light at or below eye level, this mimics natural light angles, like campfire or sunset.

Our family also switches off screens to avoid blue light at night. And our phones go into the charging drawer in the kitchen before bed. If inspiration strikes and I feel like writing, I use this special bluelight-free  Daylight computer. And if I have to use the phone, I use it with a red light filter.

By turning off the blue light this helps signal our body’s circadian rhythms and supports melatonin production. It also improves blood sugar signaling, cortisol levels, and helps us get a better night’s sleep.

7. Avoid EMFs

In the past we used to turn off the WIFI every night. I learned though that this can damage the computer router over time. Now the phones go in the charging drawer and I sleep under a special EMF blocking canopy. Even if I have my phone under the canopy I don’t get a signal! 

If you prefer to turn the WIFI off in the house you can put the job on autopilot with this EMF Safe Switch. 

8. Optimize Your Sleep Environment

We spend about a third of our lives in bed. By creating a healthy sleep environment we can get the biggest bang for our buck when it comes to health habits. This is why I sleep in linen or silk pajamas and linen sheets. It’s an easy way to avoid microplastics (non-natural fibers) against my skin for at least 8 hours a day. 

When the temperature lowers at night it triggers neurons in our brain to release melatonin and help us sleep. One option is to set the thermostat to 60-70 degrees before bed. If you don’t want to add that much to your electric bill, another option is sleeping on a mattress cooling pad. I love my ChiliPad which cools just the mattress and I can pile on the cozy blankets. 

Along with sleeping cool, I also make sure the room is dark. Like can’t see my hand in front of my face dark. Blackout curtains can work, but I switched to blackout shades that block 100% of the light. This helps further signal to the brain that it’s time to rest and improves REM sleep.

I also sleep with a sound machine with white noise or gentle background music. With teenagers in the house I find that I’m now going to bed before them and this helps cover any noise! My air filter does double duty and also creates some white noise while it keeps the air clean. 

9. Red Light Therapy

Nighttime is usually when I try to get some red light therapy time in. Red light is natural and free during both sunrise and sunset and I take advantage of this whenever possible. I also have a red light panel that does the same thing. Using a red light helps reduce inflammation, supports the mitochondria and signals our hormones it’s time for bed. There’s also a lot of evidence showing it’s skin and other health benefits. 

10. Skincare and Lymph Routine

I take a few minutes at night to do a simple skincare routine and support my lymphatic system. Right now this involves a weekly clay mask from Alitura and nightly moisturizing with things like tallow or shea butter. I’m also loving the skincare products from Annmarie Gianni and my Magic Molecule toner. I also do a gentle lymphatic massage to support detox and boost circulation. 

11. Winding Down

There’s a lot going on during the day for any family, and moms carry a lot of that mental load. Instead of laying down and drifting off to sleep, it’s too easy to stay up thinking about tomorrow’s to-do list. One way to get rid of the excess mental clutter is to journal or meditate before bed.

I keep a gratitude journal that collects my daily thoughts. You can also write down tomorrow’s priorities if you’re anxious about forgetting something. Getting it all written out on paper helps our brains sort information and release tension.

Meditation is another really helpful way to wind down at night. It’s not about emptying the brain of all thoughts, but it helps us gain focus and deep rest. Even if you don’t have trouble sleeping at night, routine meditation can help make nighttime even better.

Here are some more of my calming evening rituals: 

• Drink Cacao Calm or herbal tea a few hours before sleep. This helps calm my nervous system and feels cozy. I like that it has adaptogenic herbs that make my brain give a sigh of relief.
• Put my legs up the wall for 5-10 minutes and use gentle movement. This easy exercise supports lymphatic flow, helps regulate the vagus nerve, and calms the nervous system. It especially feels great after a long day on my feet!

Sticking to the Nighttime Routine

Kids need time to wind down for the day and so do parents. When possible, it helps to have a firm bedtime, not stay up all night working or watching tv. This helps kids have consistency and ensures they’re getting enough sleep for their brain and body development.

While it doesn’t always happen, especially when there’s a baby involved, it’s good to have goals. Just don’t stress if things don’t always go perfectly!

It’s tempting to stay up late and take in all of the “me” time once the little ones hit the hay. However, late nights don’t make my body happy either and make for hard mornings. A good night’s rest starts with healthy daytime habits! 

I find it important to treat my nighttime and morning routines as sacred times for stillness, reconnection, and aligning with my body’s natural rhythms. Over time I’ve noticed better sleep, improved hormones, mood, and metabolism. 

Putting it Into Practice

The good news is that most of these healthy habits are cheap or free. My bedroom is one of the few places I’ve prioritized spending money because a lot of it is one and done. Like the EMF canopy, air filter, my Oura ring (to track health variables while I sleep), and mattress cooling pad. But these things aren’t strictly necessary to still have a good nighttime routine. 

It can be easy to look at a routine like this and want to (or feel like you need to) do all of it. Tailor your nighttime routine for your own needs and start with baby steps. Try adding in things a little at a time to make the habits stick. 

What are your nighttime routines and habits? Are there any you’d like to change?